anger - i feel it in my bones

I will not go into the hectic-ness of my life the last couple of weeks because I know most of you don't care and because it doesn't really matter.  Here is a quick summary of my week last week:

• four exams
• three papers
• a group project
• an exam to study for for this week
• yadda, yadda, yadda

Like I said - I know you don't care; I just wanted to whine about it one more time.

Anyway, I feel like I completely lost it today - maybe it was last night, or the night before...  Regardless of everything, my absolute final breaking point was today in my Marital Relations class - my group project.  I am just going to vent for a bit.

I HATE GROUP PROJECTS!

There.  Glad I got that off my chest.  But in all seriousness, I do not like them.  Granted, I did volunteer to assemble to PowerPoint Presentation - but my partner did absolutely nothing. NOTHING.  Scratch that, here is what she did:

• not attend class until the day of our presentation
• show up an hour and a half late to the meeting she and I had before our presentation, just to go over the final product
• oh yeah, and then she only had "a few minutes to spare"
• my comment: "gag me!"
• she decided to not show up to class on time today
• she was ten minutes late
• do you know who I am and that I freak out about things like that?
• bring cookies that she "made" herself (no, she went to Macey's, bought cookies, and threw them in a bag and claimed them as her own)
• she commented on literally one slide, which is equivalent to two minutes of our 25 minute presentation

Keep those things in mind.  The icing on the cake was not her fault (those were just stressers).  I was so confident in myself and my ability to assemble a presentation.  I was so proud of myself that I embedded my videos rather than switching the screen between my presentation and YouTube.  The presentation had started, I was on a roll, totally in control, and rocking it.  I was so organized and had my thoughts together - and then it happened.  I got to my third slide and I found that the videos would not play.  None of my videos played.  I was forced to switch my screen to YouTube, and therefore we had to watch the crazy Lady Gaga commercials (not what I was going for).  This is how I felt:

I was angry with myself.  I was angry that my partner had no idea what was going on.  I was angry because I looked like a fool.  There were lots of things.  And if you know me at all, you can imagine that the little girl pictured above was indeed how I felt.  However, I could not express those emotions.  I had to bottle those feelings up and find a way to just get through this presentation (without any help from my partner).  Thankfully we got through.  I was confident in my ability to get an "A" going into that, but leaving I know I most likely am in the "B" or "C" range.  

Thanks a lot.  See - it does not matter how much effort or work I put into something, I am just a "satisfactory" student who barely passes.  But hey!  I am here at BYU - suck on that!  (sorry, I had to find some kind of goodness in this day/week/semester).

But I have to thank my wonderful boyfriend Shawn for putting up with me and for taking me out to dinner tonight - yay for Cafe Rio!  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  It's called...FOOD!