What happened..?

I love it when i get to hang out with my nieces - they are such dolls!  As of current circumstances though, I have found myself in a bind when talking to miss Samantha.

Divorce, well annulment in my case, is a tricky situation.  I was barely able to get through it "alone" I could not imagine having kids and going through it!  I realized that more so when Sam came to visit me at my new apartment.

Sam: "Your bed is nice and comfy, Wally, but small.  I am not sure that Tyler is going to fit..." 

Me: "*sigh* Oh.. well..Sam.. Tyler isn't going to be around anymore.." 

Sam: "Well why not?" 

Me: "*really big sigh* Well.. he decided to.. choose other things.." 

Sam:  "...why?..." 

Me: "You know, Sam, I don't really know myself..  He just decided he wanted something else.." 

Sam: "Oh..  Okay..  I just miss him.."

What the heck was I supposed to do or say?  I couldn't look at her AT ALL during this conversation!  I had to keep myself together; I could not let myself break down.  I fought back the tears and emotion of it all and tried to explain what I myself cannot explain.

And then today!!!  This was our conversation..

Sam: "You got married." 

Me: "Well, yes, I did.. but.." 

Sam: "Tyler didn't love you.  Why..?" 

Me: "I don't know, Sam.  I thought he did.." 

Sam: "Now youre alone again..." 

Me: "Yes, Sam, I am.."

Thanks for the reminder!  At least I could better keep myself together this time!

Legal separation is a tricky thing.  I am not sure how anyone does it really..not sure how I have done it.  I suppose that that is where the power of the Atonement comes in and where I learned to seek and find, ask and receive, knock and have doors opened unto me.  I don't think that divorce is the ideal or best way to go, but I have to say that I am grateful to live in a place where the opportunity is there if things do go up in flames.  As heartbreaking as it was and has been to lose the love of my life, I know there is someone out there for me; that the Lord loves, listens, and cares for me; that Jesus Christ suffered for this pain - FOR ME!  I am known by name.  I am loved for me.  And for now, that is what will push me forward in faith.

How was I supposed to look at this cute girl and break her heart, too..

In all honesty, I couldn't..

The Gospel is a Family Gospel

President Boyd K. Packer has to be one of the most profound speakers I have had the opportunity of listening to.  I was able to go to the Brigham City, Utah temple dedication today - what a special occasion this was!  I know that he knows the Lord, loves Him, and is a servant for Him.  I also know and admire how much he loves his wife and family.  One of my favorite things he said in his address this afternoon was in regards to his wife and the day that he first saw her.  He walked into the local library in Brigham City where she worked and when he saw her at the counter, all he could say was, "...and that was the end of that as far as I was concerned..."  How cute is that?  I know that one day I can find that kind of love and dedication, not only to me but the Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  President Packer is wonderful example and I will strive to find someone as cute and loving as he is.  (Can I refer to the apostles of the Lord as "cute"??)  Hurrah for temples and eternal families!

Bill Nye Style

Yes, another blog today - and it is again about science!  This one however, is a contrast to my prior post; I went to an actual review today, learned something, and enjoyed it!

What a great TA I was blessed with for my session, and he is hilarious!  To begin my once a week reviews in class he does some interesting things, like have a shark of the week and dinosaur of the day.  He will proceed to tell us why certain dinosaurs are the way they are and how the senses of sharks work.  (It is kind of interesting but has absolutely nothing to do with science..maybe there is strategy to this actually!)  There are two other things he does, and asks the class to join in with him.  Very unique, but strangely enough it seems to work!

Yoga.  He gets on the table and does one yoga pose with us.

One, Two, Three...SCIENCE! With a fist punch. Shouted.  At the top of our lungs.  If it is not up to par, he will make us do it again!

These activities are done to center us, give us a clear mind, and help us "be here now."  I was not thinking he would do those last two at our review with 300 people but he did!  And he was in a shirt and tie!!  It is hilarious!  Makes me kind of enjoy class.  And he can actually teach in a way that makes sense and helps understand, and he is a psychology major!

The only thing that ruined it was he HAD to throw in a clip from "The Simpsons."  Nice.

Let's Be Honest

This is me (up there in that tack lab coat) because I am taking Physical Science 100 Independent Study (thank goodness!).  I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a review session yesterday for my exam.  Let me preface this by saying - what a joke!!  I hope I can get across how terrible this review was.  

First of all, I walk in and she is playing some rap/hip-hop song that no one knows.  Excuse me, I thought we had standards at BYU; we are not allowed to play rap/hip-hop at EFY so let's not play it before a study session.  Plus, it is a fact that media is not good before studying and sleep because your brain cannot focus!  Thanks for that, an instant distraction when I am already easily distracted.  You will absolutely not be able to get me pumped up for science. Let's be honest.

She then proceeds to tell us that if we don't do well on this exam then maybe we should rethink how we are studying.  "If what you are doing didn't work then change how you study, don't keep doing the same thing."  And then drew us a nice graph on how to retain information versus not.  (If I knew how to make a stupid graph, here is where I would show what she drew)  For now, I will make the following graph work:

The green line represents what she referred to our strategy that is not working, therefore decreasing our knowledge and ability to succeed in this class.  On the other hand we have the red line which represents "changing" our study habits; "if you would just study 20 or 30 minutes a day your knowledge will increase dramatically and you will do well in this class!"  This took the first 15 minutes of class.  Thank you for explaining the exponential graph to me, now can we please get to prepping for the exam??

This is where the first group of people left.  I emphasize "group" here because I have never seen so many people get up and leave a review at one time.

Or maybe we shouldn't...  We started with Newton's three laws of motion, which she openly said she didn't know how to explain to us.  She jumped from one to the other trying to think of examples on how to apply these concepts.  Epic fail.

And here is where the next group of people skidaddled out.

I could not for the life of me tell you what the next topic was we discussed.  She kept saying, "Because I have already looked at the exam I don't know how to give you examples without just asking you the exam questions!  And if I did that I would feel morally dirty..."  This is where a student chimed in and said, "I don't care about your moral cleanliness I want to know how to pass this test!"  Harsh, but at the same time I agreed because I was now officially more confused then when I came.

Again with the people leaving!  And there I say patiently waiting for it to get better.  I need to pass this exam!

She then wrote a bunch of formulas on the board.  "You don't need to know these but we will discuss them with each concept."  Excuse me?  You are now officially wasting my time.  Why on earth are you going over concepts that are not going to benefit me on this test??  It was then that I found myself packing my bag to get the heck out of dodge.  I think it is rude to leave in the middle of a lesson but I could not let myself stay and become more and more confused.  And I was only there for 30 minutes; 30 minutes of a scheduled 2 hours session.

I left.  Worst review I have ever been to with the most unknowing TA ever.  I could have gone up there and taught the concepts better - and  I hate science.  Long story short, I will stick to my TA; as weird and as awkward as he is, at least he knows how to teach and explain this nonsense!  And he can come up with examples right on the spot, even though he has seen the exam too!  Wish me luck on my exam tomorrow - I have to go in on Saturday thanks to my worthless review session.  Let's be honest - don't hire TA's that don't know how to TA.

The Atonement

For some reason I have been struggling to, for lack of a better word, enjoy my religion class this semester.  Maybe this is due to the fact that I have neglected to admit that I have become bitter due to recent events in life.  But that is a story for another day - back to my religion class.  I am taking Religion 234: LDS Marriage and Family Relations in which we discuss a variety of topics in order to find, create, and build the most successful marriage and family possible.  Yesterday in class we had the wonderful opportunity to discuss the Atonement.  And here is where I begin trying to reverberate what a spiritual experience this class was for me and how it changed my entire perspective of this class.

The Atonement is:

Personal
Merrill J. Bateman described that Jesus Christ did not just suffer for all, it was a steady stream of individual faces; Christ saw and felt for each one of us personally.  He does indeed know His sheep!  Elder Bruce R. McConkie has said this, "Nothing in the entire plan of salvation compares in any way in importance with that most transcendent of all events, the atoning sacrifice of our Lord.  It is the most important single thing that has ever occurred in the entire history of created things; it is the rock foundation upon which the gospel and all other things rest.  Indeed, all 'things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.'" [MD, p. 60]  So I ask, is it the single most important to YOU, to ME?  What cause you and I to stand all amazed?  What drives us to our knees in gratitude for what has been done so personally and graciously for us?


Infinite
I begin this section with a scripture from Alma.  

Alma 7:11-12

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."

Here I would like to highlight two words: afflictions and infirmities.  These words are NOT sinful!  Afflictions are things like stress, pressure, anxiety, fear, and depression.  We do not need to suffer silently; Christ suffered what we suffer and is ready and willing to succor us.  Infirmities are our weaknesses and shortcomings.   What would we consider our "weaker" attributes?  We need to be aware that he did suffer and that all we need to do is open the door and let him in.  He is with us, even until the ends of the world.

Powerful
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." -Philippians 4:15.  Do we have the same capacity day in and day out?  No, but that is where the enabling powers of the Atonement come into play!  Jesus Christ will save us after all we can do!!  He is proud of us!!  We have done and are doing well.  Life is hard, and He of all people knows that.  We need to be humble, have faith, pray sincerely, repent, and obey.  No words can explain the powers the Atonement can have on us IF we allow it!

Available
God gives to us daily - do we recognize?, what do we give?, do we connect with him?, do we forgive those around us?  In order for the Atonement to be fully available we need to put down our barriers and let him in!  We need to pay it forward as He does for us.  We need to get outside ourselves, and return grace for grace.  Packer has said that we may each participate in an atonement of our own - restoring to others that which we have not taken.  We can be someones savior as Jesus Christ is our Savior.

For some reason this lesson was so eye opening and life changing for me.  I know that Christ suffered for me and for each of us individually.  The Atonement can be and is a personal thing.  He will succor - run to - us with open arms, if we let Him.  I was put at peace.  I received a renewed testimony.  I, in a sense, was made whole in a matter of moments.  That is the healing powers of the Atonement at work.  Let Him help you.  He is ready and willing - I KNOW THAT!