Divorce, well annulment in my case, is a tricky situation. I was barely able to get through it "alone" I could not imagine having kids and going through it! I realized that more so when Sam came to visit me at my new apartment.
Sam: "Your bed is nice and comfy, Wally, but small. I am not sure that Tyler is going to fit..."
Me: "*sigh* Oh.. well..Sam.. Tyler isn't going to be around anymore.."
Sam: "Well why not?"
Me: "*really big sigh* Well.. he decided to.. choose other things.."
Sam: "...why?..."
Me: "You know, Sam, I don't really know myself.. He just decided he wanted something else.."
Sam: "Oh.. Okay.. I just miss him.."
What the heck was I supposed to do or say? I couldn't look at her AT ALL during this conversation! I had to keep myself together; I could not let myself break down. I fought back the tears and emotion of it all and tried to explain what I myself cannot explain.
And then today!!! This was our conversation..
Sam: "You got married."
Me: "Well, yes, I did.. but.."
Sam: "Tyler didn't love you. Why..?"
Me: "I don't know, Sam. I thought he did.."
Sam: "Now youre alone again..."
Me: "Yes, Sam, I am.."
Thanks for the reminder! At least I could better keep myself together this time!
Legal separation is a tricky thing. I am not sure how anyone does it really..not sure how I have done it. I suppose that that is where the power of the Atonement comes in and where I learned to seek and find, ask and receive, knock and have doors opened unto me. I don't think that divorce is the ideal or best way to go, but I have to say that I am grateful to live in a place where the opportunity is there if things do go up in flames. As heartbreaking as it was and has been to lose the love of my life, I know there is someone out there for me; that the Lord loves, listens, and cares for me; that Jesus Christ suffered for this pain - FOR ME! I am known by name. I am loved for me. And for now, that is what will push me forward in faith.
How was I supposed to look at this cute girl and break her heart, too..
In all honesty, I couldn't..
1 comment:
Ayris you are one strong woman. My heart aches for you but I know that it does not ache like yours. I am comforted in your testimony. I am glad that you know that the Savior has felt your pain and He is there to comfort you. And please remind yourself daily that our Father has prepared and maybe yet still preparing for you a man that will understand this all. He will love you beyond your understanding and you will be pure and perfect for him. I love you Ayris.
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