Of Love and
Heart
“To each their own,” is what I have
been told. When it comes to dating and
marriage I feel as if I have a – how do you say – somewhat unique
perspective. How odd it is that I view
myself now as cynical and optimistic; on the surface these emotions are
conflicting, and yet they have become complimentary components in my life. The heart is a delicate object, and one that
is abused more than one may originally imagine.
But why do we continually put our hearts on the line and allow such
mistreatment? I find it is as such –
I’d
go hungry I’d go black and blue
I’d
go crawling down the avenue
No,
there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To
make you feel my love
Adele
That is the attitude I seem to have,
and the way I see many others behave. We
take no thought for ourselves at times – what we want, who we want to be, where
we shall reside. We often wish to make things
happen, without regard to if that is how it should in reality be. Instead we let our hearts decide, in which
case we often let others take control of our desires. This has been detrimental in my
experience. For when one’s heart and
love is given freely to another, it is then taken and used against you – my
heart has become somewhat of a weakness.
I say weakness because what does it profit one to love and care for
another when it is not reciprocated?
Seems such a waste.
Don’t waste your love on somebody,
who doesn’t value it.
William Shakespeare
I have had love and lost love, both
of which are tragic. In loving I find
happiness and joy indescribable; it is a roller coaster of emotions with
extreme highs and extreme lows. Loving
is easy, what is difficult and heart-wrenching about the process is the
unknown. But is that not the case with
anything unknown to man? Once fear and
doubt enter the sincere love of one’s heart, that is when tragedy seeps in; our
weaknesses are found and used as weapons against us. This, in the end, makes us out to be dolts –
You fooled me again
You fooled me again
With your honest honest
eyes
Again fooled me again
With your dirty mouth
full of honest lies
Lady GaGa
– has it not also
been said, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?” So then I ask: where does the fault lie, if
anywhere or with anyone? And now I
answer with this: no fault needs to be taken upon ourselves or placed upon
another. Choices are made and we “reap
what we sow” do we not? Blame should not
be the focus of any issue, especially when it comes to one’s heart and a love
that has been shared in one way or another.
In losing love I have had great
reason to become bitter about life. I am
not referring to the occasional high school break up or the school kid crush;
true loss, taunting and relentless, comes when your husband wakes up one morning
no longer wanting you – it is a feeling similar to that of death. How does one get over the loss of a parent or
a sibling, a grandparent or spouse? Is
there such a thing as losing in loving another, or does that come when we
restrain from loving and giving of ourselves?
Suffering and afflictions are a part of life though. Learning to draw a fresh confidence and
perspective on any given situation is key to progressing.
Suffering has
been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what
your heart used to be. I have been bent
and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.
Charles Dickens
The thing about love and heart is
that they are inseparable. Intertwined
they are in each individual emotion and feeling, action and reaction, choice
and consequence. Together they shape a
person, mold them into being – at least that has been the case for me. How I would rather give of my heart and love
than to have never loved at all. No
matter what comes of it I regret nothing, for it is who I am to love freely.
NOTE: I would like to thank Michel de Montaigne for inventing what we today call "the essay." Usually I would make some sarcastic remark here, but I actually kind of enjoyed this assignment. This is my modern day take on a Montaigne essay - obviously from my own experiences and not his, but similar to the way he himself wrote. (Also, I probably should have put this at the beginning but it is not nearly as important as my essay!)
