cinder blocks

I bore my testimony today for the first time in a while.  "Yes, I am endowed and no, I did not serve a mission."  Yup, that happened.  But it was a day of wonderful meetings to say the least.  Over the last couple days I have had a lot of time alone (which I have come to not like so much..). 

In my time alone I have realized two things about myself:

1. I wear my heart on my sleeve

2. I wear my emotions on my shoulders

This is how I feel:

Do you know that cinder blocks are not meant TO BE CARRIED!?  They are heavy.  If you drop them they break, and hurt if dropped on you.  But this is how I feel - weighed down.

In discussing the Atonement today in Relief Society, I was reminded of a lesson I had about cinder blocks.  That is what the Atonement is there for; we don't need to chain our troubles, sins, trials, afflictions, or problems to ourselves and drag them around - we need to detach from them, hand them to the Lord because  HE HAS ALREADY SUFFERED FOR THEM.  We are doing no good and learning nothing when we try to take life's troubles and carry them ourselves.  We need help.  We need the Lord.  We need to rely on the fact that HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING.

Life is hard, and then you die (as Uncle Timmy would say).  But let us use the Atonement.  That's what it is there for.  The Savior lives, loves us, and wants only our happiness and what is best for each of us individually.  Make choices.  Smile.  Be happy.  Rely upon the Lord.  And don't carry around your burdens - it hurts!

I feel like I have two thoughts I am trying to merge into one, if only I was better with my words.  I need to eat. I need to sleep.  I need to focus on what matters - school, work, the gospel.  And I cannot do those things when I choose to wear my heart and emotions on my outward appearance.  Those personal issues need to go to the Lord.  That is a goal of mine.  I know the Atonement works, but I need to actually use it and not think I can do everything myself - because I can't.  I'm not strong enough - but the Lord is.  I'm an emotional wreck - but the Lord knows how to succor me.

Luke 22:42-43

42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.

I know this to be true.  Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, and angels can be there to help us, lift us, strengthen us.  In all things.