Of Love and Heart

Of Love and Heart

            “To each their own,” is what I have been told.  When it comes to dating and marriage I feel as if I have a – how do you say – somewhat unique perspective.  How odd it is that I view myself now as cynical and optimistic; on the surface these emotions are conflicting, and yet they have become complimentary components in my life.  The heart is a delicate object, and one that is abused more than one may originally imagine.  But why do we continually put our hearts on the line and allow such mistreatment?  I find it is as such –

                        I’d go hungry I’d go black and blue

                        I’d go crawling down the avenue

                        No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do

                        To make you feel my love      

                                          Adele                                             

            That is the attitude I seem to have, and the way I see many others behave.  We take no thought for ourselves at times – what we want, who we want to be, where we shall reside.  We often wish to make things happen, without regard to if that is how it should in reality be.  Instead we let our hearts decide, in which case we often let others take control of our desires.  This has been detrimental in my experience.  For when one’s heart and love is given freely to another, it is then taken and used against you – my heart has become somewhat of a weakness.  I say weakness because what does it profit one to love and care for another when it is not reciprocated?  Seems such a waste. 

            Don’t waste your love on somebody, who doesn’t value it.

                                                                        William Shakespeare              

            I have had love and lost love, both of which are tragic.  In loving I find happiness and joy indescribable; it is a roller coaster of emotions with extreme highs and extreme lows.  Loving is easy, what is difficult and heart-wrenching about the process is the unknown.  But is that not the case with anything unknown to man?  Once fear and doubt enter the sincere love of one’s heart, that is when tragedy seeps in; our weaknesses are found and used as weapons against us.  This, in the end, makes us out to be dolts –

                        You fooled me again             

                        You fooled me again

                        With your honest honest eyes

                        Again fooled me again

                        With your dirty mouth full of honest lies

                                                                      Lady GaGa

– has it not also been said, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?”  So then I ask: where does the fault lie, if anywhere or with anyone?  And now I answer with this: no fault needs to be taken upon ourselves or placed upon another.  Choices are made and we “reap what we sow” do we not?  Blame should not be the focus of any issue, especially when it comes to one’s heart and a love that has been shared in one way or another.

            In losing love I have had great reason to become bitter about life.  I am not referring to the occasional high school break up or the school kid crush; true loss, taunting and relentless, comes when your husband wakes up one morning no longer wanting you – it is a feeling similar to that of death.  How does one get over the loss of a parent or a sibling, a grandparent or spouse?  Is there such a thing as losing in loving another, or does that come when we restrain from loving and giving of ourselves?  Suffering and afflictions are a part of life though.  Learning to draw a fresh confidence and perspective on any given situation is key to progressing. 

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be.  I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.

                                                                           Charles Dickens

            The thing about love and heart is that they are inseparable.  Intertwined they are in each individual emotion and feeling, action and reaction, choice and consequence.  Together they shape a person, mold them into being – at least that has been the case for me.  How I would rather give of my heart and love than to have never loved at all.  No matter what comes of it I regret nothing, for it is who I am to love freely.

NOTE:  I would like to thank Michel de Montaigne for inventing what we today call "the essay."  Usually I would make some sarcastic remark here, but I actually kind of enjoyed this assignment.  This is my modern day take on a Montaigne essay - obviously from my own experiences and not his, but similar to the way he himself wrote.  (Also, I probably should have put this at the beginning but it is not nearly as important as my essay!)